Sometimes you have to give up your dream in order to not give up on yourself
It happend when she was still a little girl. Times were dark and she was dreaming herself away. To better places. To better times. To a better world. One night she had a dream of herself. It was the first time that she understood why she had to make all of those dark experiences. She saw herself making art out of the broken pieces of her heart. She was shining and her light was illuminating the world. Her dream was born. It was her own raw little diamond. And she kept it deep inside of her heart.
Not a single day passed without her thinking of her diamond. It kept her safe and it protected her heart. It lightened up her world and carried her through the darkest of times. She knew that when she would be old enough she would make her dream come true. And she would do whatever it takes to form this raw little diamond into the most beautiful one the world had ever seen.
The time went on and the day came. She was free and old enough. She sat down and created a plan. She knew what she had to do. It was not easy as she had to work hard for the resources she needed. But it was not impossible. She thought that if she would only work hard enough and believe in it with every part of her being she would make it possible. And so she did.
It was exciting. She could not wait to shine. She could not wait to show her diamond to the world. But it took time. There was not a single day when she did not give her best. She walked her way with all of her heart. It did not take a long time until the first challenges appeared. She struggled. She fell. And got up again. She knew that if she would always get up once more, eventually she would make it. The way towards her dream had many lessons for her to learn. She faced her fears. Destroyed the limits of her mind over and over again. She fought with her past. Went far beyond what she thought she would be able to be. She fell. She got up. She grew. She was shaping her diamond and the diamond was shaping her.
Years passed. The strength of her belief that carried her through every challenge started to subside. She needed more and more breaks for the cuts in her heart to heal before she could continue to walk. The diamond she was shaping became so sharp that it hurt to touch it. Her heart was bleeding. She was hurting. She was suffering. She was praying to god for him to help her. But nothing happened. She took many detours. But she always returned to her diamond. The dream of herself shining kept her alive. And the diamond was placed so deep inside of her heart that it was impossible to let it go. Instead she cursed god and did not unterstand how after everything she had to go through, he would make it so hard, so impossible for her to shine. The day came when the only way for her to survive was to leave her heart.
There she was. Walking through the world, numb, confused and lost. Surpressing her pain and releasing it at night. Silently suffering.
One day she was sitting by the ocean. It was a warm evening and the light of the setting sun was reflecting on the oceans surface. A warm summer breeze was blowing through her hair. She was suffering so much that it hurt to breathe. She was praying to god for release. It has been a long time since she last dared to feel into her heart. She looked up at the golden sky and an angel appeared. He said to her:
"Jump into the ocean. The water will wash away the walls you have built around your heart."
So she did. She jumped into the water. A cooling sensation was flowing through her skin into her body. She was diving deep to make sure that every part of her skin was covered with water. The water carried her body. It carried her heart. Her bleeding heart. It felt as if the whole ocean was hugging her. After a cupple of minutes she started to feel a heavy pressure in her throat. She could barely breathe. She went out of the water and sat down. She was looking at the sky and the angel was still there. Looking at her with the most loving eyes she had ever seen.
As she was sitting there her hand had discovered some little stones. Without even thinking about it she took a little stone and thew it into the ocean - and there she was. Looking directly into her heart. And everything that happened from now on was happening through her while she was put onto the observers seat. With every stone she took and threw into the ocean, she removed a piece of the sharp diamond cutting deep wounds into her heart. And with each piece she removed, a wave of tears followed. It was so painful she hardly could breathe. She said to the angel:
"When this diamond is gone I will disappear! Without this diamond I am nobody! And yet, I cannot carry it anymore. I am hurting. I am suffering. I am so sad, I am disappointed and angry. And I am so sorry. I promised myself to shine. I promised myself to shape the diamond and illuminate the world with my light. But I failed. I am sorry but I cannot continue anymore. I feel as if I am dying."
But the angel just kept looking at her with his loving eyes. He patiently waited until all the stones her hand could take were thrown into the ocean. Then he said:
"See, you are still here. My beloved girl. You are so much more than you think. You are everything that is, was and ever will be. You did not die. But what did die was an illusion you identified with. You do not need to shape a diamond to shine. It was time to let it go and discover who you really are. You are light. We buried your dream in the arms of the ocean. It will dissolve in her depth and return to Mama Gaia - where it came from. The ocean will carry the dust of your diamond forever. Whenever you dip into the ocean, you will be diving in your dream. Whenever you see the oceans surface sparkeling, it is the dust of your dream smiling at you. Remember that everything you ever desired is already there. It is surrounding you as it is you. It was time for you to remember my beloved girl. And now I will heal your heart. From now on you might feel as if you are walking into the unknown. But let me tell you that this is just another illusion. Everything is happening according to the divine plan. You are already shining and every step on your way is just for you to discover that. You are everything that is, was and ever will be and your light is already illuminating the world. And it is now more needed than ever before. Know that you are always safe, protected and guided. You are deeply loved. We are always with you. In every moment of your life you will know what you need to know and everything you need will be given to you. Trust and keep going. There is a wonderful bright future ahead for you. We love you deeply."
The angel disappeared and she was looking at the horizon. The warm summer breeze slowly dried her tears. She felt free. Her heart was still hurting but it was not bleeding anymore. It was grief. And although she knew it would take some time for the heart to heal from the grief, she felt light. It was okay that she did not know where to go now or what to do. Because she was right here, right now. She was free and alive. She stood up and jumped right into the ocean. She was living her dream.
Love & Light,